How to Make Friends with Other Moms When You Have Your First Kid

It can be hard meeting moms to make new friends–especially transitioning from the working world to being a stay at home mom. Learn how I navigated loneliness in my own season of motherhood.

FROM WORKING MOM TO STAY AT HOME MOM

I taught second grade for four years. I was a working woman with my own paycheck and daily routine. Weekends were reserved for getting the house organized, hanging out with friends and grading papers.

But when I decided to quit working to become a stay at home mom, I had no idea how difficult the transition would be. When my son was born, I struggled with post-partum depression, and going from an energetic, creative career to solo days alone with a newborn was wearing on me.

I addressed my depression with my doctor and got the help I needed, but not being around other women, I felt more lonely than I’d ever been in my entire life.

I was surrounded by a community of people I interacted with on a daily basis—until now. Now I sat at home and changed dirty diapers, fed and burped my baby and tried to keep myself sane. We’d get out and go places, but I did it all alone.

MAKE ONE FRIEND AT A TIME

All of my friends were working. The only stay at home mom I knew at the time was a friend who lived an hour and a half away.

I told her I was lonely and needed someone to hang out with. I confided in her my depression and to my surprise, she had a similar story—and was eager to help me.

So for two months, I got in my car and drove 1.5 hours each way to have someone to hang out with while my husband was at work.

It was heaven.

She introduced me to her group of stay at home mom friends and explained that she didn’t have many friends when she quit her job to stay home either.

She told me her method of meeting moms, that she started hanging out with one friend, who invited another, then another, and years later, she now had a group of 15 moms that she hung out with once a week!

They would drop off their older kids at school, someone would host and provide breakfast and they would hang out until it was time for school pickup. They would change diapers in the middle of the floor, or breast feed without a cover while they snacked on muffins and coffee. We were allowed to be real and help one another. No topic was off limits.

START YOUR OWN MEETING MOMS GROUP

I loved it but it wasn’t sustainable for me to continue doing this. The drive was getting to me and my son would get cranky. So I tried out her plan of starting my own group in my town.

My first friend wasn’t even someone I knew. I started with a neighbor across the street I saw playing with her daughter in the front yard. I asked her if she’d like to come over to play with the kids together. To my relief, she said yes!

I made muffins and we changed diapers in the living room.

The next time I asked her over, I told her about my friend’s group of women that met on Thursdays. She loved it. She invited one friend, and from there, our group grew!

When I saw that first friendship grow so easily, I learned to become more bold and approach people around town. I talked to moms at church, at the mall, at the playground. Turns out, the more I met people, the more I realized there were a lot of other lonely moms out there.

LEARN TO BE MORE APPROACHABLE

The process of meeting moms is a lot like dating. You’ll have to put yourself out there. See who your kids gravitate to on the playground, and talk to their moms.

Exchange numbers and follow up by inviting them over for coffee! If they don’t respond, don’t beat yourself up. But if they do, enjoy your new mom friendship!

Another way to meet people is to volunteer. You don’t have to get a sitter to do this! I asked my church if they needed help posting on social media and worked on it at home. I met friends through putting myself out there and was asked to do some other volunteer opportunities where I could bring my son along.

As an introvert, I often have trouble trying to figure how to keep a conversation going. I feel the need to talk to fill up space. But my husband (who is a salesman and extrovert) taught me something simple that has changed the way I talk to people.

Ask questions.

That’s it.

Want to have an engaging conversation? Ask the person about their life. This way you don’t feel like you’re having a one-sided conversation and you’re much more approachable.

BE OPEN TO RECEIVING HELP

Another way to start mom friendships is to allow yourself to be helped. When my son was throwing tantrums, I had someone ask if I needed help. The best thing I ever did was say yes to her.

7 years later, we’re still close friends.

If someone asks if you need anything, tell them!

Yes I need a nap, a shower and time to run an errand.

I’ve found that old ladies in your community want to be asked for help! I have received so much encouragement and mentorship experiences because I reached out to older women in my church.

Ask for help, friend. Don’t do this alone.

Making mom friendships for me didn’t happen overnight, but overtime I learned a few ways to connect with others.

It was uncomfortable, and scary at times, but I was determined to make some friends—and you can too!

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One of the sections in my Goal Setting Workbook is on finding your community. This is such a vital part of personal growth. I would love to help guide you in this process in making mom friendships. You can order my Goal Setting Workbook here for an instant download: