Find out your types from the 5 Love Languages test to identify how your family members best feel loved and use these strategies to strengthen your relationships.
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WHAT IS A “LOVE LANGUAGE”?
A love language is simply the way you like to be shown that you are loved and appreciated by others. Everyone has their own preferences– your child may be a big hugger, or prefers to show his feelings by drawing you a picture.
Your spouse may like when they come home to a clean kitchen or when you surprise them with a meaningful gift.
What about you?
Do you prefer getting flowers out of the blue, or talking over coffee? You may find that you appreciate a thoughtful text during the day more than a cleaned up living room.
Whatever it is that makes you feel loved, it’s important that you identify it and share it with those around you. But before you do that, it’s wise to figure out others’ love languages as well.
For example, I enjoy when my husband writes me a sweet note, but he loves when we do something outdoors together.
Before I realized we had different love languages, I would concentrate on areas that didn’t matter that much to him. For example, I might go out shopping and bring him a coffee from the store, but what he needed that day was for me to help with the bills or laundry. While I might prefer the treat, he might prefer the help.
It was a game changer when my husband and I sat down and took this test.
Ask your spouse, What is one thing I can do this week to make you feel loved?
You may be surprised by their answer! (And it’s not just helpful for them, so make sure you answer this too!)
THE 5 TYPES OF LOVE LANGUAGES
Gary Chapman defines the 5 Love Languages in his book that relate to how we best feel loved. They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
You can have more than one love language, and you can figure out how they rank by taking the quiz in the back of his book. For example:
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
- Saying “I Love You”
- Love notes
- Praise in front of others
- Encouraging email or text
2. QUALITY TIME
- Going on dates
- Trying a new place
- Doing an activity you love together
- Couch time to talk about the day
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
- Souvenir from a loved one
- Something handmade by your kids
- A surprise coffee or treat
- Thoughtful birthday gift
- Anniversary surprise
4. ACTS OF SERVICE
- Having your kids walk the dog
- Your spouse returning your car with a full tank of gas
- Coming home to a clean house
- Having someone else cook dinner
- Your kids helping with the chores
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
- Cuddling during a movie
- Holding hands while in public
- Kiss before leaving work
- Back rub before bed
LEARNING YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE
Did you read through the list and immediately know which love language you are? Most of us will be a combo of a few, so it can be hard to identify your primary love language. If you want to learn more and take the test for the 5 Love Languages, then check out Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages.
LEARNING YOUR CHILDREN’S LOVE LANGUAGES
When it comes to your children’s love language, it can be a little more difficult to gauge. That’s why he also wrote The 5 Love Language of Children and The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers.
Since most little kids love hugs (physical touch), you’ll also want to know what their other love languages are. And while most kids would say their love language is getting a new toy (receiving gifts), these quizzes will give you a little better insight on how to understand and connect with your children on a deeper level.
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With this purpose in mind, I’ve created a great resource for married couples, old and new! There’s always room to grow and learn about each other, so the first section of this printable workbook is on the 5 Love Languages Types! order yours here:
Before you go, read even more posts like this here:
- The Importance of Finding Independence in a Relationship
- 7 Pieces of Advice for Newlyweds (That I Wish I’d Known Before Getting Married)
- Marriage Advice From Older Couples
- Set Goals as a Couple in This Marriage Growth Workbook
- 16 Inspirational Quotes on Marriage
You’ve got this!
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