How Lyme Disease Made Me Question My Faith and The Times God Reminded Me He Never Left

I’ve been coming across this term a lot lately called Post-Traumatic Growth. It’s where instead of being resilient and bouncing back from a trauma, you are better for having gone through it. You haven’t ended up exactly where you were before, you’ve jumped ahead. You’ve grown from the experience.

I’d like to think that all the trauma I went through with Lyme disease didn’t leave me in the same spot I was before. And I don’t think it did.

I feel an understanding of who Jesus is and my relationship with him is stronger than ever because for the first time in my life, I was put in a situation where I questioned whether or not he was real. Whether he was hearing my begging, pleading prayers. Whether he is who he says he is.

I’ve learned a lot more about prayer since Lyme. That it doesn’t look like what they teach you in Sunday school.

I felt like David in the Bible, begging and pleading with God and wondering in agony where he was, and then I would have a moment of trust and there he would be, reminding me of verses that strangely applied to my situation or telling me to pray instead of stress. In wondering how we would afford to hire help, pay medical bills or sometimes even get food on the table, he provided every time. Money, food, childcare, you name it, someone took care of it.

God didn’t take me out of that storm, he walked me through it.

THE TIME JESUS SPOKE TO ME THROUGH GOOGLE

March 26, 2016

For the past year and a half I’ve dealt with chronic unexplained pain in the right side of my body. My right hand and arm hurts all the time and my fingers tingle in addition to right side back spasms, neck and shoulder pain. I’ve gone through tons of doctors, tests and I’m feeling overwhelmed again with no answer.

Last night, I was lying awake in the middle of the night. After googling a few versions of “Does this symptom mean I’m dying?”, I suddenly hear the phrase “For I am your” repeated in my head. I google it instead.

This was my first result:

THE TIME GOD ASKED ME TO TRUST HIMTHE TIME I FELT CONFIDENT OF HIS PRESENCE

THE TIME JESUS SPOKE TO ME THROUGH AMAZON

THE TIME JESUS POINTED ME BACK TO MY CHURCH

The day after I ordered the book, my cousin and a friend of my sister’s contacted me within the same hour to let me know they were convinced I had lyme and needed to see a lyme doctor. My cousin told me to find a lyme support group in the meantime while I waited for my test results to come in. I casually looked it up online not really that interested because I probably didn’t have lyme at all.

There was only one lyme support group I could find listed in North Texas. I live in the Bible Belt and there are are so many churches in our area that we are called the Buckle of the Bible Belt. And unbeknownst to me, I had been attending the ONE church for the past eight years that currently hosted this group.

THE TIME WHERE JESUS SHOWED OFF AT MY DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT

I found that with trust came gratitude.

And with gratitude came peace.

And with peace came stillness.

And with stillness came his presence.

His all-encompassing, never-leaving-me presence. I couldn’t always hear his answer, but I could finally feel his presence.

TELLING MY STORY

Sometimes in not wanting to offend someone, I find a way to tell my story without using his name. But it’s not working for me anymore. The stories just don’t make sense without him. And besides, it’s no fun leaving the best part out. It’s like trying to tell you about my relationship with my husband, how we met, and how we’ve grown by telling the story without him in it.

Jesus is so much more complicated than our Sunday school prayers, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I would love to share more of the ways I have learned to hear from him in my life so that you can recognize him when he’s right in front of you. Because he is.

He is there, speaking life into you daily. Be still and listen for him!

For those of you wondering if God hears you…he hears you. He sees you. He knows you. He loves you. Trust him in your storm.

Click to print:

Want to grow in your spiritual walk? I’ll be posting a Bible study series soon called: Making Your Bible Come Alive. Topics include:

  • Understanding the basic historical timeline of events in the Bible
  • Why writing all over my Bible changed everything I thought I knew
  • Jesus and practicing self-care
  • Discovering your spiritual gifts
  • Creating a toolkit for a specific life issue
  • Why memorizing scripture doesn’t have to be hard and why you need to do it
  • Designing your spiritual goals

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Have something pivotal happen in your life that you want to share with others but not sure how or whether you should? Check out Your Story is Worth Sharing.

2 comments

  1. ‘But it’s not working for me anymore.’ I love it!!! Amy , I am so glad you are stepping in to this and blessing us all with your words! Thanks so much and I’m so excited for more!!

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